Advent: Joy reflections
Joy didn’t really make sense to me until my late twenties. There are some things that only experience can do to move information and understanding from your head into your heart. My late twenties were filled with having babies that didn’t sleep, my husband staying up late and getting up early to accomplish seminary projects and papers, postpartum complications, personal health issues, sick (and dying) in-laws and family complications. Nothing seemed stable.
Because, it wasn’t. My body wasn’t stable, my family wasn’t stable, it was a struggle to maintain daily responsibilities. I had faith, but it didn’t seem to make a difference in this situation, and that also caused a lot of cognitive dissonance. If I believed in heaven and that in the end - it was all ok and worth it, why was I in such severe distress?
In each of those circumstances, I struggled to connect with God. I struggled because I didn’t know how to rectify my own personal suffering (along with the suffering of the world) and God’s nearness and goodness. Of course, if He were with me, He would deal with my suffering and answer my prayers exactly as I asked if they were prayed with enough faith. I usually adopted the conclusion that perhaps my suffering meant that He was just purposely refining me, making sure that I didn’t hold onto any “idols” and instead would only worship Him, and He would make sure to take away every good thing I had until I was left with nothing else (like Job). But that left me feeling empty. It didn’t feel like love.
I didn’t necessarily imagine Jesus as the God that the bible says He is, but instead I imagined his disappointment with me as I struggled to keep spiritual disciplines like reading my bible and praying in the midst of my pain and struggle, or disappointment in the tears I shed hoping I might live long enough to watch my kids grow up (because perhaps that meant He wasn’t my treasure). This kind of God is not exactly someone that is easy to connect with.
But the bible describes a different Jesus:
Hebrews: 5:2-3 - He is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and are going astray, since he himself is subject to weakness. This is why he has to offer sacrifices for his own sins, as well as for the sins of the people.
Matthew 28:20 says, "Teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age".
Mark 1:40-41: Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, "If You are willing, You can make me clean." Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, "I am willing; be cleansed."
Mark 6:34: And Jesus, when He came out, saw a great multitude and was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep not having a shepherd. So He began to teach them many things.
At some point during this season, I remember thinking: if I could just connect with God, if I could just hear His voice, if I could just be so affirmed in His relationship with me and know He is near, maybe I could do it. Maybe I could do anything. Maybe I could be okay in the midst of whatever happens: whether the loss of loved ones or even my own personal illness. I asked Him to speak to me.
And, He did.
In my distress, God met me and took me on a journey of invitation into His heart for me, into His heart for the world. He has promised us so much in His word: truths about His character, truths about vengeance and justice, a foretelling of the restoration of the world and the redemption of all things.
However, the promise that resonated most with me during this time which is accessible right now no matter your circumstances: His presence.
Advent is the celebration that our God is not a God that is far away from us waiting in the clouds for us to one day join Him… no. He is a God who actually came to earth. He got into the mess of things. He endured personal suffering in order for the master plan of redemption and beauty to take place. And now, He is actively roaming throughout the earth, moving to and fro through His Holy Spirit: breathing life into us with His perfect power… transforming us, speaking to us, engaging with us even in the midst of the worst darkness that we could possibly imagine.
He is with us.
Our God, emmanuel.
And in the death that surrounds us, in our own sufferings, the loss of our beloveds, our failures, our debts, our insufficiencies, our anxieties, our pain, He is glad to be with us. He cares about us, and His presence can change everything.
And it does change everything, because it ushers in joy. In the midst of loss, suffering and pain, I stand in a state of joy: an unwavering stance that because of who He is and His promises, I can move forward in expectant hope. This joy that has permeated my soul that doesn’t always make sense. A joy that holds me up under the pain that others do unto me or the losses that are all around me, the (still) undiagnosed health flares that come, I stand in the midst of the pain of humanity, with tears in my eyes holding both the pain and the promise, and I pray for Jesus’ name to be made great, and His promises to come quickly this advent season. Lord, thank you for joy. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you that you… are with us.
Scott’s own drawing & interpretation of Jesus’ presence with us in suffering