For the first time in my life, I had put myself in the friend zone of a boy that I had been dramatically interested in. It was definitely one of those tragic feeling situations of unrequited romance, but I knew it was best for both of our situations.
Earlier in the year, I had even sat back and watched him flirt with one of my friends, even doing a little sly trick where he pretended to leave a hat behind knowing that he would get to see that girl later that day when he picked it up (Maria, I blame you for those shenanigans). I realized that friendship was going to be the extent of our relationship, and I made me peace with it and listened to him go on about the girl he had a crush on (because that’s what friends do).
Scott and I had a mutual really good friend, her name was (and is) Maria. In that phase of life, she was one of Scott’s best friends and also one of my closest girlfriends. We both leaned on her for relationship advice. She also happened to be my accountability partner and spiritual encourager.
One night, closer to her graduation, I remember her dropping me off at my apartment and she just offhandedly commented, “you and Scott should date! Wait no… that could be bad…”
I hadn’t really confessed my feelings about Scott to Maria at that point and remember feeling how tragic those words fell. It pretty much encompassed everything I had felt about him since first meeting him that past summer.
A few of us all got together to attend Maria’s graduation (she’s younger than me, but super smart and graduated early). Scott came to support Maria, but there was an additional perk for him: the same girl he had been flirting with that was a close friend of mine was also going to be there, so in a sense he was coming to be nearer to her.
However, he soon found out that she was interested in someone else who was also present at graduation and ended up just kind of hanging out with me. We all went to celebrate after with subs from Quiznos and hung out for a bit after. I had gotten a ride to graduation with someone else, but Scott offered to take me home after all of the shenanigans and celebration.
I remember the next moments as clear as day.
Scott had/has a weird obsession with Taylor Swift music, which was playing when he turned on the car to take me home. A song came on that he sang along to and included lyrics about kissing in the rain. He turned to look at me and asked me what I thought was romantic about kissing in the rain/why girls always sing about it or talk about it.
I got butterflies in my chest immediately and I’m not even sure what I said was intelligible or made sense. I think I responded? But I’m not sure. All I remember is feeling like there was a slight hope or possibility of this boy actually flirting with me. Was he flirting? Was he just actually curious? Was he making fun of it? I couldn’t really even get ahold of my brain enough to think straight enough about it… but my heart certainly switched that day from thinking this boy and I would never be in a place of romance to thinking that maybe…. just maybe it could be an option.
….. to be continued.
… see? I wasn’t always good at getting in focus images… lol